Dating a separated man? Here are the red flags you can't ignore

Dating someone who is separated can fall into a grey area, especially if he still experiences feelings and uncertainties about his legal separation and future. Not all men who are separated are emotionally unavailable or have an agenda, but there are some red flags to look out for. Spotting these early can save you a lot of mixed feelings and heartbreak. Here are a few to keep in mind: 

He is vague about the separation

If he dodges any precise details about when the break-up happened or the reason he and his partner are separated, you should be cautious moving forward. Lack of detail can indicate he is not completely moved past the relationship, is not being open about the situation to you, or could internally still be working through emotional baggage. Being able to share his past – respectfully of course – is something every man who is ready to start dating again should be able to do. 

The divorce process has not started yet. (Credit: Freepik)

The divorce process is at a standstill or hasn't started yet

You may have met a man who has been ‘separated' for years now, and you are wondering why he hasn't even started discussing or taking action towards a divorce. To him, it may mean that he is not emotionally or legally able to participate in a serious relationship. 

The timelines will be different for everyone, but if something was actually going to come together, the man would then need to clearly articulate what he needs to do or has done.

 A man who has no plans, while telling you he is separated, could be less disengaged from the marriage as he describes. Inquiring - gently but directly - about what his plans are or if he has taken steps towards a divorce is fair.

You are feeling like a rebound 

If he is always comparing you to his ex, fluctuating between hot and cold, or seems to be moving the relationship forward uncomfortably fast, then you might be a rebound. This often happens if the breakup was recent. You need to be emotionally available, and if he has not yet moved on from his ex, it may very well come out in your relationship. 

He keeps you like a secret

 If months go by where you have not yet met his friends or family, then this might mean he is not ready to bring you into his life. Worse, he may actually be hiding you from his estranged partner, meaning it is much more serious than he is admitting. 

If he dodges any precise details about when the break-up happened or the reason he and his partner are separated, you should be cautious moving forward. (Credit: Freepik)

He hasn't fully disentangled his emotions

It may indicate that he still has emotional ties to his ex if he frequently argues with them, consistently engages in some form of communication, or gets overly emotional whenever he's discussing them. While co-parenting and/or sharing property might necessitate keeping in touch, it's vital that he establish healthy boundaries. If the relationship still feels like some soap opera playing out in real life, it's time to be cautious. 

A man who has no plans, while telling you he is separated, could be less disengaged from the marriage as he describes. (Credit: X)

He talks about 'when' not 'if' they're getting back together

When he mentions getting back together - even as a hypothetical - that should be a huge red flag. You deserve to be their first choice, not their second choice while they figure things out. When a man states he is separated, it doesn't always mean he is prepared for something serious. Confusing signals, ties to his past relationship, or emotional unavailability usually spell trouble. 

Before you make an emotional investment, it's good to know the signals that he might not be fully free.