We have always been taught by everyone around us, the media we consume, the books we read that we come across this wonderful moment in our life where suddenly someone comes into our life and we instantly click. It’s the moment of immediate attraction and chemistry in which we feel we have met our forever love.
The fact is that in life this might be good to look at the outside but it’s not fulfilling and long lasting. This immediate gratification may make you feel sad, aggressive and dissatisfied in the long run. Taking the easy route is always more compelling, the idea that my perfect partner will not make me feel uncomfortable, we will always feel that the excitement will keep the relationship working without any effort but that’s not possible .
Effort only makes relationships easy.
This concept of compatibility that I should have the immediate butterflies, instant spark and extraordinary interest that would replace the work to be done to make the love last is a false expectation in life.
In actual life real love needs work, pure hard work, and a constant feeling to get better together each day. The chemistry ignites the light, but it’s not fully capable of keeping it bright.
The idea of being attracted to someone, talking to them for hours, meeting them everyday, getting involved at all levels feels exciting because it is an intense feeling to think you have found the love of your life, a partner for everything.
But the chemistry might be mistaken for connection.
True connection between two people is built on compatibility, communication, and creation. It doesn’t depend on infatuation, intensity and interest only. To depend only on the excitement and lack of effort leads to draining energy of the relationship eventually.
When we are lost in chemistry of any kind we tend to lose track of what is actually important to sustain a long lasting relationship. We focus less on the green flags of the relationship and the person, and get consumed in finding faults on the surface level which can create big red flags and bigger problems as the excitement dies.
Even if you have a very strong chemistry and attraction without nurturing, creating time and listening to the fears of the other regularly as well constantly making efforts for enjoying each other's company the relationship starts to weaken slowly.
When the relationship deepens over time, there are changes in the relationship which are very natural, however people who are constantly focusing on themselves and on the less important parts of the relationship feel there is something wrong and end up creating problems which are actually non-existent. With physical and sexual attraction it’s very important to form a close emotional bond.
The best relationships are the ones which start from friendships level up to becoming best friends and then naturally lead to dating, such relationships finally lead to a lifetime love. Attraction is a piece of a larger pie called relationship. An initial spark might make two individuals decide to get into a relationship but the relationship needs much more to survive and eventually thrive.
After observing many life transitions and various clients in relationships at different stages and ages, here is a small blueprint to have a beautiful relationship. To create a strong foundation together one must focus on having shared values, close friendship and honest communication.
Let go of ego, unnecessary power struggles and unnecessary expectations to lay a strong base of trust, strong love and long lasting happiness. Intentions are very important after the initial intimacy.
Show up for each other, share everything with each other, listen to understand not to respond, have tough conversations with the idea of bonding not winning. In this way with commitment you evolve together. No relationship remains the same forever.
People change, life changes, circumstances change.
What serves you now in a relationship might become stale after a few years so both partners need to talk , keep trying , strengthen their friendship so that they keep growing together.
To keep the relationship alive, being able to be weak, needy and raw in front of your partner is very important. Acts of kindness, care, love, physical touch and deep emotional connection all are very important to keep it going.
Stop chasing it is an endless struggle, start connecting, creating and compromising for your loved one to make it everlasting. Relationships don’t come with an inbuilt GPS, you both have to stop thinking that the other can read your mind, start compromising when required, deepen your emotional connection, adjust when it’s important, speak when required but listen carefully always, don’t let resentment build instead replace it with a fresh love. For any love to sustain, forget any old love of your life. Not every idea of yours about love might fit in life, let go of the illusion of a fake love and life.
Being real always lasts long.
Written by: Ms. Divya Mohindroo, Founder of Embrace Imperfections & Counselling Psychologist
The fact is that in life this might be good to look at the outside but it’s not fulfilling and long lasting. This immediate gratification may make you feel sad, aggressive and dissatisfied in the long run. Taking the easy route is always more compelling, the idea that my perfect partner will not make me feel uncomfortable, we will always feel that the excitement will keep the relationship working without any effort but that’s not possible .
Effort only makes relationships easy.
This concept of compatibility that I should have the immediate butterflies, instant spark and extraordinary interest that would replace the work to be done to make the love last is a false expectation in life.
In actual life real love needs work, pure hard work, and a constant feeling to get better together each day. The chemistry ignites the light, but it’s not fully capable of keeping it bright.
The idea of being attracted to someone, talking to them for hours, meeting them everyday, getting involved at all levels feels exciting because it is an intense feeling to think you have found the love of your life, a partner for everything.
But the chemistry might be mistaken for connection.
True connection between two people is built on compatibility, communication, and creation. It doesn’t depend on infatuation, intensity and interest only. To depend only on the excitement and lack of effort leads to draining energy of the relationship eventually.
When we are lost in chemistry of any kind we tend to lose track of what is actually important to sustain a long lasting relationship. We focus less on the green flags of the relationship and the person, and get consumed in finding faults on the surface level which can create big red flags and bigger problems as the excitement dies.
Even if you have a very strong chemistry and attraction without nurturing, creating time and listening to the fears of the other regularly as well constantly making efforts for enjoying each other's company the relationship starts to weaken slowly.
When the relationship deepens over time, there are changes in the relationship which are very natural, however people who are constantly focusing on themselves and on the less important parts of the relationship feel there is something wrong and end up creating problems which are actually non-existent. With physical and sexual attraction it’s very important to form a close emotional bond.
The best relationships are the ones which start from friendships level up to becoming best friends and then naturally lead to dating, such relationships finally lead to a lifetime love. Attraction is a piece of a larger pie called relationship. An initial spark might make two individuals decide to get into a relationship but the relationship needs much more to survive and eventually thrive.
After observing many life transitions and various clients in relationships at different stages and ages, here is a small blueprint to have a beautiful relationship. To create a strong foundation together one must focus on having shared values, close friendship and honest communication.
Let go of ego, unnecessary power struggles and unnecessary expectations to lay a strong base of trust, strong love and long lasting happiness. Intentions are very important after the initial intimacy.
Show up for each other, share everything with each other, listen to understand not to respond, have tough conversations with the idea of bonding not winning. In this way with commitment you evolve together. No relationship remains the same forever.
People change, life changes, circumstances change.
What serves you now in a relationship might become stale after a few years so both partners need to talk , keep trying , strengthen their friendship so that they keep growing together.
To keep the relationship alive, being able to be weak, needy and raw in front of your partner is very important. Acts of kindness, care, love, physical touch and deep emotional connection all are very important to keep it going.
Stop chasing it is an endless struggle, start connecting, creating and compromising for your loved one to make it everlasting. Relationships don’t come with an inbuilt GPS, you both have to stop thinking that the other can read your mind, start compromising when required, deepen your emotional connection, adjust when it’s important, speak when required but listen carefully always, don’t let resentment build instead replace it with a fresh love. For any love to sustain, forget any old love of your life. Not every idea of yours about love might fit in life, let go of the illusion of a fake love and life.
Being real always lasts long.
Written by: Ms. Divya Mohindroo, Founder of Embrace Imperfections & Counselling Psychologist
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